Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
