why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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