And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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