Don't you send me to vm
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
