Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
