Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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