just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
