i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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