is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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