I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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