sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
