Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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