More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's get the cat blown out
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
