You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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