Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
