What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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