I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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