the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
