I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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