I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
