I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
