You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
