i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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