I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
