cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
