just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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