Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
