The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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