he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
