MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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