Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
