So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize