Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
