Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
