You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
