....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
