Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just pee around me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
