Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
