Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this just has baby written all over it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
