the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
