I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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