Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk is not a location!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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