You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
