My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
