Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
