For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize