I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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