think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
