:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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