he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
