i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
