wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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