I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
