I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
