My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
