I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
