She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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