hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
