The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
