I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
