my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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