Im at strip club and am horny
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
