Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
