Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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