My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
